RE: "My Mind"

(The following was originally presented to me in writing on a piece of paper. I did not write this, my best friend wrote it for me when she saw the first post I made in this blog.)

For: ****** ****, <3
The most caring & thoughtful friend I've ever known. :)

******...
     You have no idea how much it fucking kills me to know you're feeling this way. To know that this is what you think about. Nobody hates you, you need to realize this. I am being one hundred and ten percent honest with you when I say, I truly believe that you are perfect. Of course, you could always argue that I "don't know you," but I can see it, ******. You are so fucking special. No matter what you say or think, you are amazing. You are beautiful and you are worth so fucking much. Not only to me, but to everyone around you. If you weren't here, nothing would be the same. And I mean nothing. I'm sorry that I can't express myself very well in writing... and I'm sorry that I'm not always around when you need someone. Please, ******, Please. If you ever need anything,

HOW TO MAKE THE PERFECT POPCORN:

Jolly Time Blast O' Butter is the #1 best :P Trust me, I know my popcorn :3 (the secret pop movie theatre or extra butter are 2 and 3) You put it in for 4 minutes but take it out when it's at 1:59 even if it sounds like it's still popping, you must at 1:59 for it to be perfect. Then six shakes of salt, thorough shaking of the bag to mix, then use the orville redinbacher's liquid popcorn butter stuff, then shake the bag, add more salt to your liking, shake again, one more squeeze of the butter, shake the bag longer this time and you're done. PERFECT POPCORN!! :D

^_^ if you're awesome enough eat it along with chocolate chips (seperate from the pop corn bag, just grab a handful of each and shove it in you mouth to enjoy) It sounds really weird but it's actually REALLY GOOD and amazing!! :)

This Is For You.

Fuck my life; it's fucking pointless. Everyone hates on me because they think they understand me, but they don't; nobody knows me at all save one (maybe but not completely anyways so why even mention it unless they read all this? :P ), and myself. Although, I'm unsure I can trust my own mind; I barely know my actual self because it's buried in a flaming underwater field of "pointless" (according to people outside my head) excessive thoughts created by my lack of attention to the directly current scenarios outside my sub conscience fem because I overthink. I wish I had the courage to pick up a gun and end my this now. But I don't, so I have to live in complete fear that someday I will and that my miserable = ball = of = shit, comp'rable life will be gone. My friends are kept in my life because them and music are the only things that make me happy. When something is preventing their interaction: There's a huge problem. It will cause me to overthink even more and it will almost always lead to suicidal thoughts. "People" say those punishments only exist because "they" "love" me... If "you" love me so much, "you" wouldn't want to kill me, would "you"? If you've read all this, I hope you will acknowledge the testacious infinite loop of bullshit my life / is... well, until that day comes where fear is not a problem and it's gone: My life that is. But my friends would miss me and I'd never let them down. So, I it I'll have to endure all this pain: for them: This is for you. I love you all...most of you at least.