This Is For You.

Fuck my life; it's fucking pointless. Everyone hates on me because they think they understand me, but they don't; nobody knows me at all save one (maybe but not completely anyways so why even mention it unless they read all this? :P ), and myself. Although, I'm unsure I can trust my own mind; I barely know my actual self because it's buried in a flaming underwater field of "pointless" (according to people outside my head) excessive thoughts created by my lack of attention to the directly current scenarios outside my sub conscience fem because I overthink. I wish I had the courage to pick up a gun and end my this now. But I don't, so I have to live in complete fear that someday I will and that my miserable = ball = of = shit, comp'rable life will be gone. My friends are kept in my life because them and music are the only things that make me happy. When something is preventing their interaction: There's a huge problem. It will cause me to overthink even more and it will almost always lead to suicidal thoughts. "People" say those punishments only exist because "they" "love" me... If "you" love me so much, "you" wouldn't want to kill me, would "you"? If you've read all this, I hope you will acknowledge the testacious infinite loop of bullshit my life / is... well, until that day comes where fear is not a problem and it's gone: My life that is. But my friends would miss me and I'd never let them down. So, I it I'll have to endure all this pain: for them: This is for you. I love you all...most of you at least.